Twilight on Avenue Q
by ShinningSilverLove
Summary: Muahahahaha! Twilight characters sing Avenue Q songs! This is a searies of SongFics! Ahahahaha! Very funny! R&R! Rated M because small children should stay pure and not read this!
1. AINOHRA!

**Author's Important Note of Humor Related Activity: **Here we go! Just to let you peoples know…YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ THE SONGS IN ORDER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO! YOU CAN SKIP TO YOUR FAV SONGS!...I just wanted to say that to make this all more pleasant! Now go read and have fun! That's my command to you!


	2. Avenue Q Opening Number

**Author's Note:** Yeah! Avenue Q songs sung by Twilight characters! Muhahahahaha! I love to laugh manically! Anywhos, Enjoy!...this first song may not be the funniest but boy will the other ones make you pee yourself! Woohoo!

**DISCLAIMER:** I ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY AND UNDOUBTFULLY DON'T OWN TWILIGHT, NEW MOON, OR AVENUE Q! THERE! NOW YOU CAN'T SUE ME!...even if you did want to sue me…I'm poor so you wouldn't get a lot. Whatever! I don't own squat!

**Avenue Q Opening Number**

**Emmet and Rosalie:** The sun is shining,

It's a lovely day,

A perfect morning for

A kid to play

**Charlie and Renee:** But you've got lots

Of bills to pay—

What can you do?

**Bella and Edward:** You work real hard

And the pay's real low

And ev'ry hour

Goes oh, so slow

**Jasper and Alice:** And at the end of the day

There's nowhere to go

**Everyone:** But home to Avenue Q!

You live on Avenue Q!

Your friends do too.

You are twenty-two.

And you live on Avenue Q!

You live on Avenue Q!

You live on Avenue Q!

**Me, the Author: **You know what to do!

Review! Review! Review!


	3. It Sucks To Be Me

**Author's Note:** Here we go! The first actual song! Okey dokey this is how it's gonna work! I won't always let the same people sing the same parts for every song! Gives it more variety ya know? Anywhos, ENJOY! Remember: IT'S ALWAYS FUNNIER IF YOU LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING THIS!!!!

**It Sucks To Be Me!**

**Aro:** What do you do with a B.A. in English?

What is my life going to be?

Fours years of College,

And plenty of knowledge,

Has earned me this useless degree!

I can't the bills yet,

'Cause I have no skills yet,

The world is a big scary place!

But somehow I can't shake,

The feeling I might make,

A difference to the human race!

**Bella:** Morning Brian!

**Jasper:** Hi, Kate Monster

**Bella:** How's life?

**Jasper:** Disappointing

**Bella:** What's the matter?

**Jasper:** The catering company laid me off.

**Bella:** Oh, I'm sorry.

**Jasper:** Me too! I mean, look at me!

I'm ten years out of college,

And I always thought….

**Bella:** What?

**Jasper:** No, it sounds stupid.

**Bella:** Oh c'mon!

**Jasper:** When I was little,

I thought I would be,

**Bella:** What?

**Jasper:** A big comedian on late night T.V!

**Bella:** Oh.

**Jasper:** But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see,

I'm not.

**Bella:** Nope.

**Jasper:** Oh well.

**Bella:** Mm mm.

**Jasper:** It sucks to be me!

**Bella:** Nooo….

**Jasper:** It sucks to be me!

**Bella:** No!

**Jasper:** It sucks to be broke, and unemployed, and turning thirty- three!

It sucks to be me!

**Bella:** You think your life sucks?

**Jasper:** I think so.

**Bella:** Your problems aren't so bad….

I'm kind of pretty

And pretty damn smart.

**Jasper:** You are.

**Bella:** Thanks!

I like romantic things like music and art.

And as you know I have a gigantic heart,

So why don't I have a boyfriend?

FUCK! It sucks to be me!

**Jasper:** Me too!

**Bella:** It sucks to be me!

**Jasper:** It sucks to be me!

It sucks to be Brian!

**Bella:** And Kate!

**Jasper:** To not have a job!

**Bella:** To not have a date!

**Bella and Jasper:** It sucks to be me!

_(Edward and Emmet arguing) _

**Jasper:** Hey! Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us. Do you have a second?

**Emmet:** Oh, Certainly.

**Bella:** whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?

**Edward and Emmet:** OURS!

**Emmet:** We live together

**Edward:** We're close as people can get

**Emmet:** We've been the best of buddies

**Edward:** Ever since the day we met

**Emmet:** So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset!! Oh!

Everyday is an aggravation

**Edward:** C'mon that's an exaggeration!

**Emmet:** You leave you clothes out,

You put your feet on my chair!

**Edward:** Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear!

**Emmet:** You make that very small apartment we share, a HELL!!

**Edward:** So do you! THAT'S WHY I'M IN HELL TOO!

**Emmet:** It sucks to be me!

**Edward:** No! It sucks to be me!

**Bella: **It sucks to be me!

**Jasper:** It sucks to be me!

**Bella Edward Emmet and Jasper:** Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?

It sucks to be me!

_(Interlude)_

**Victoria:** Why you all so happy?

**Edward:** 'Cause our lives suck!

**Victoria:** Your lives suck?

I hearing you correctly? Ha!

I coming to this country, for opportunities,

Try to work in Korean Deli,

But I am Japanese!

But with hard work I earned two Master's Degrees!

In social work,

And now I am therapist!

But I have no clients!

And I have an unemployed fiancé!

And we have lots of bills to pay!

It suck to be me!

It suck to be me!

I say it sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka,

Sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka,

Sucka, sucka, sucka, suck!

It suck to be me!

**Aro:** Uh, excuse me,

Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.

**Victoria:** Why you looking out here?

**Aro:** Well, I started in Avenue A,

But, so far everything's out of my price range,

But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!

Oh, look! A "For Rent" sign!

**Jasper:** You need to talk to the superintendent,

Let me get him.

**Aro:** Great! Thanks!

**Jasper:** YO GARY!!!!!

I'm coming', I'm coming'!

**Aro:** Oh my god! It's GARY COLEMAN!

**Mike:** Yes I am!

I'm Gary Coleman,

From TV's "Different Strokes".

I made a lot of money,

That got stolen by my folks!

Now I'm broke, and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes!

But now I'm here, the superintendent!

Of Avenue Q!

**Bella Edward Emmet Jasper and Victoria:** It sucks to be you!

**Bella:** You win!

**Bella Edward Emmet Jasper and Victoria:** It sucks to be you!

**Jasper:** I feel better now!

**Mike:** Try having people stopping you to ask you,

Whatch-you talkin' 'bout Willis?

….It gets old….

**All:** It sucks to be you!

On Avenue Q!

Sucks to be me!

On Avenue Q!

Sucks to be you!

On Avenue Q!

Sucks to us!

But not when we're together!

We're together here on Avenue Q!

We live on Avenue Q!

Our friends do too!

Till our dreams come true!

We live on Avenue Q!

**Aro:** This is real life!

**All:** We live on Avenue Q!

**Edward:** You're gonna love it!

**All:** We live on Avenue Q!

**Mike:** Here's your keys!

**All:** Welcome! To Avenue Q!

**Author's Note:** You people know what I want….REVIEWS!!!!


	4. If You Were Gay

**Author's Note:** Hehehehe….one of my favorite songs! Enjoy! Remember what I say? Listen to the songs while reading to make it more enjoyable!

**If You Were Gay!**

**Jasper:** Aah. An afternoon alone with my favorite book,

"Broadway Musicals of the 1940's."

No roommate to bother me.

How can it get any better than this?

**Carlisle:** Oh, Hi Rod!

**Jasper:** Hi Nicky.

**Carlisle:** Hey Rod, you'll never guess

What happened to me,

On the subway this morning!

This guy was smiling at me,

And talking to me,

**Jasper:** That's very interesting.

**Carlisle:** He was being real friendly,

And I think he was coming on to me.

I think he might've thought that I was gay!

**Jasper:** Ahem, so, uh why are you telling me this?

Why should I care?

I don't care.

What did you have for lunch today?

**Carlisle:** Oh, you don't have to get

All defensive about it, Rod….

**Jasper:** I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!

What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?

I'm trying to read.

**Carlisle:** Oh, I didn't mean anything about, Rod.

I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

**Jasper:** I don't want to talk about it, Nicky!!

This conversation is over!

**Carlisle:** Yeah, but….

**Jasper:** OVER!!!!

**Carlisle:** Well, okay…but just so you know—

If you were gay,

That'd be okay.

I mean 'cause, Hey,

I'd like you anyway.

Because you see,

If it were me,

I would feel free to say,

That I was gay!

But I'm not gay.

**Jasper:** Nicky, PLEASE!

I'm trying to read….

….WHAT?!?!?!?!...

**Carlisle:** If you were queer.

**Jasper:** Ah, Nicky!

**Carlisle:** I'd still be here!

**Jasper:** Nicky, I'm trying to read this book!

**Carlisle:** Year after year!

**Jasper:** Nicky!

**Carlisle:** Because you're dear to me.

**Jasper:** Argh!

**Carlisle:** And I know that you…

**Jasper:** What?

**Carlisle:** Would accept me too!

**Jasper:** I would?!?!

**Carlisle:** If I told you today,

"Hey! Guess what? I'M GAY!"

…but I'm not gay.

I'm happy just being with you!

**Jasper:** High button shoes, Pal Joey….

**Carlisle:** So what should it

Matter to me?

WHAT YOU DO

IN BED WITH GUYS!

**Jasper:** NICKY! THAT IS WRONG!!!

**Carlisle:** NO IT'S NOT!

If you were gay!

I'd shout HURRAY!!!

**Jasper:** I am not listening!

**Carlisle:** And here I'd stay!

**Jasper:** La La La La La!

**Carlisle:** But I wouldn't get in your way!

**Jasper:** Aaaah!

**Carlisle:** You can count on me,

To always be,

Beside you everyday,

To tell you it's okay!

You were just born that way!

And like they say,

It's in your DNA,

YOU'RE GAY!!!!!!

**Jasper:** I AM NOT GAY!!!!

**Carlisle:** If you were gay.

**Jasper:** Aaaah!

**Author's Note:** REVIEW MY LOVES!


	5. Purpose

**Author's Note: **Jacob wants to find his purpose…AWWW!!! Listen my lovelies! Listen to the beautiful songs for pleasantry!

**Purpose**

**Jacob:** Purpose.

It's that little flame,

That lights a fire,

Under your ass!

Ha!

Purpose.

It keeps you going strong,

Like a car with a full tank of gas.

Everyone else has a purpose,

So what's mine?

Oh, look!

Here's a penny!

It's from the year I was born!

It's a sign!

Ha! Ba ba ba ba doo doo doo doo doo!

I don't know how I know,

But I'm gonna find my purpose!

I don't know where I'm gonna look,

But I'm gonna find my purpose!

Gotta find out!

Don't wanna wait!

Got to make sure my life will be great!

Gotta find my purpose!

Before it's too late.

**Bella Sam and The La Push Gang:** He's gonna find his purpose!

**Jacob:** Whoa ohh oh!

**Jacob Bella Sam and The la Push Gang:** I'm (He's) gonna find my (his) purpose!

**Bella Sam and The La Push Gang:** He's gonna find his purpose!

**Jacob:** Yeeaaahhh yeah yea!

**Jacob Bella Sam and The La Push Gang: **I'm (He's) gonna find my (his) purpose!

**Jacob:** Could be far,

Could be near!

Could take a week,

A month,

A year!

At a job!

Or smoking grass!

Ha!

Maybe at a pottery class!

Could it be?

Yes it could!

Something's coming.

Something good!

I'm gonna find my purpose!

Yeah!

**Bella Sam and The La Push Gang:** You're gonna find your purpose!

**Jacob:** Whoa ooh oh!

I'm gonna find it!

What will it be? Where will it be?

My purpose in life is a mystery!

Gotta find my purpose!

Gotta find me!

**Bella Sam and The La Push Gang:** You're gonna find your purpose!

**Jacob:** Whoa ooh oh!

I'm gonna find my purpose!

**Bella Sam and The La Push Gang:** You're gonna find your purpose!

**Jacob:** Pur-pur-purpose!

Yeah yeah!

I gotta find me!


	6. Everyone Is A Little Bit Racist

**Author's Note:** ENJOY LOVES! ENJOY! And must I repeat myself? I think you know what I'm going to say….Listen….you will Listen….to …the…songs…yes? I'm only trying to make this better for my peeps!

**Everyone's A Little Bit Racist**

**Edward:** Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

**Alice:** Sure!

**Edward:** Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

**Alice:** Uh huh.

**Edward:** Well, he's Trekkie Monster,

And you're Kate Monster.

**Alice:** Right.

**Edward:** You're both monsters.

**Alice:** Yeah.

**Edward:** Are you two related?

**Alice:** What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you!

I find that racist!

**Edward:** Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

**Alice:** Well, it's a touchy subject.

No, not all monsters are related.

What are you trying to say, huh?

That we all look the same to you?

Huh, huh, huh?

**Edward:** No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry.

I guess that was a little racist.

**Alice:** I should say so. You should be more

Careful when you're talking about the

Sensitive subject of race.

**Edward:** Well, look who's talking!

**Alice:** What do you mean?

**Edward:** What about that special Monster School

You told me about?

**Alice:** What about it?

**Edward:** Could someone like me go there?

**Alice:** No, we don't want people like you-

**Edward:** You see?!?!

You're a little bit racist.

**Alice:** Well, you're a little bit too.

**Edward:** I guess we're both a little bit racist.

**Alice:** Admitting it is not an easy thing to do….

**Edward:** But I guess it's true.

**Alice:** Between me and you,

I think….

**Alice and Edward:** Everyone's a little bit racist,

Sometimes.

Doesn't mean we go around,

Committing hate crimes.

Look around and you will find,

No one's really color blind.

Maybe it's a fact

We all should face,

Everyone makes judgments

Based on race.

**Edward:** Now, not big judgments, like who to hire

Or who to buy a newspaper from-

**Alice:** No!

**Edward:** No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican

Busboys should learn to speak God damn English!

**Alice:** Right!

**Alice and Edward:** Everyone's a little bit racist

Today.

Everyone's a little bit racist

Okay!

Ethnic jokes might be uncouth,

But you laugh because

They're based on truth!

Don't take them as

Personal attacks!

Everyone enjoys them-

So relax!

**Edward:** All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

**Alice:** Okay!

**Edward:** There's a plane going down

And there's only one parachute….

And there's a rabbi, a priest-

**Alice:** And a black guy!

**Jacob:** Whatcha talkin' 'bout Kate?

**Alice:** Uhh….

**Jacob:** You were tellin' a black joke!

**Edward:** Well, sure, Gary, lots of people tell black jokes.

**Jacob:** I don't.

**Edward:** Well, of course you don't- you're black!

But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

**Jacob:** Well, sure I do! Those stupid Polacks!

**Edward:** Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

**Jacob:** Well, damn, I guess your right.

**Alice:** You're a little bit racist.

Well, you're a little bit too.

**Edward:** We're all a little racist.

**Jacob:** I think that I would

Have to agree with you.

**Alice and Edward:** We're glad you do.

**Jacob:** It's sad but true!

Everyone's a little bit racist-

All right!

**Alice:** All right!

**Edward:** All right!

**Jacob:** All right!

Bigotry has never been

Exclusively white!

**Alice Edward and Jacob:** If we could all just admit

That we are racist a little bit,

Even though we all know

That it's wrong,

Maybe it would help us

Get along.

**Edward:** Oh, Christ! Do I feel good!

**Jacob:** Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

**Edward:** Who?

**Jacob:** Jesus Christ.

**Alice:** But, Gary, Jesus was white.

**Jacob:** No, Jesus was black.

**Alice:** No, Jesus was white.

**Jacob:** No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

**Edward:** Guys, guys…Jesus was Jewish!

**Emmet:** Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

**Jacob:** Racism!

**Emmet:** Cool!

**Rosalie:** BRIAN! Come back here!

You take out lecycuraburs!

**Edward:** What's that mean?

**Emmet:** Um, recyclables.

Hey! Don't laugh at her!

How many languages do you speak?

**Alice:** Oh, come of it, Brian!

Everyone's a little bit racist!

**Emmet:** I'm not!

**Edward:** Oh no?

**Emmet:** Nope!

How many oriental wives have you got?

**Rosalie:** What?! Brian!

**Edward:** Brian, buddy, where've ya been?

The term is Asian-American!

**Rosalie:** I know you are no

Intending to be,

But calling me oriental-

Offensive to me!

**Emmet:** I'm sorry, Honey, I love you.

**Rosalie:** And I love you.

**Emmet:** But, you're racist too.

**Rosalie:** Yes, I know.

The Jews have all the money!

And the whites have the power!

And I'm always in a taxi-cab

With driver who no shower!

**Edward:** Me too!

**Alice:** Me too!

**Jacob:** I can't even get a taxi!

**Alice Edward Emmet Jacob and Rosalie:** Everyone's a little bit racist,

It's true!

But everyone is just about as racist,

As you!

If we all could just admit

That we are racist a little bit,

And everyone stopped being

So PC

Maybe we could live in-

Harmony!

**Rosalie:** Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!

**Author's Note:** REVIEW MY LOVLIES!


	7. The Internet Is For Porn

**Author's Note: **You know the drill….Listen to the songs to make them funnier! Oh, and this song most people have been waiting for! Lol! Guess which one? Lol!

**The Internet Is For Porn!**

**Esme:** The internet is really really great!

**Emmet:** For porn!

**Esme:** I've got a fast connection,

So I don't have to wait!

**Emmet:** For porn!

**Esme:** What?

There's always some new site!

**Emmet:** For porn!

**Esme:** I browse all day and night….

**Emmet:** For porn!

**Esme:** It's like I'm surfing

At the speed of light!

**Emmet:** FOR PORN!

**Esme:** Trekkie!

**Emmet:** The internet is for porn!

**Esme:** Trekkie!

**Emmet:** The internet is for porn!

**Esme:** What are you doing?!?!

**Emmet:** Why you think the net was born?

PORN! PORN! PORN!

**Esme:** Treee-kkkie!

**Emmet:** Oh! Hello Kate Monster!

**Esme:** You are ruining my song!

**Emmet:** Oh, me sorry, me no mean to.

**Esme:** Well, if you wouldn't mind please being quiet

For a minute so I can finish?

**Emmet:** Me no talkie.

**Esme:** Good.

I'm glad we have this new technology,

**Emmet:** For porn!

**Esme:** Which gives untold opportunity.

**Emmet:** For porn- oops, sorry.

**Esme:** Right from your own desktop.

**Emmet:** FOR—

**Esme:** You can research, browse and shop.

Until you've had enough and you're ready to stop!

**Emmet:** FOR PORN!!

**Esme:** TREKKIE!

**Emmet:** The internet is for porn!

**Esme:** Nooo!!!!!

**Emmet:** The internet is for porn!

**Esme:** Trekkie!

**Emmet:** Me up all night honking me horn!

To PORN! PORN! PORN!

**Esme:** That's gross! You're a pervert!

**Emmet:** Ah, sticks and stones Kate Monster.

**Esme:** NO really, you're a pervert!

Normal people don't sit at home and look

At porn on the internet.

**Emmet:** Ooh?

**Esme:** What?

**Emmet:** You have NO idea!

Ready normal people?

**Mike Eric Jacob and Tyler**: Ready!—Ready!—Ready!

**Emmet:** Let me hear it!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** The internet is for porn!

**Eric:** Sorry Kate!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler: **The internet is for porn!

**Eric:** I masturbate!

**Emmet:** All these guys

Unzip their flies!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler: **For porn! Porn! Porn!

**Esme:** The internet is not for porn!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** PORN! PORN! P—

**Esme:** HOLD ON A SECOND!!!!!!

Now I know for a fact

That you, Rob, check your portfolio

And trade stocks online.

**Tyler:** That's correct.

**Esme:** And Brian, you buy things

On the internet!

**Mike:** Sure!

**Esme:** And, Gary you keep selling your possessions on EBay.

**Jacob:** Yes I do!

**Esme:** And Princeton, you sent me

That sweet online birthday card.

**Eric:** True!

**Emmet:** Oh, but Kate-

What you think he do….after? Hmm?

**Eric:**….Yeah.

**Esme:** EEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** The internet is for porn!

**Esme:** Gross!!!!!!!!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** The internet is for porn!

**Esme:** I HATE PORN!

**Emmet:** Grab your dick!

And double click!

**Esme:** I HATE you men!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** For porn! Porn! Porn!

(Harmonizing) Porn! Porn! Porn! Porn!

**Esme:** I'm LEAVING!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** Porn! Porn! Porn! Porn!

Porn! Porn! Porn! Porn!

**Esme:** I HATE the internet!

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** Porn! Porn! Porn! Porn!

**Emmet:** The internet is for-

**Emmet Eric and Mike:** The internet is for-

**Emmet Eric Mike Jacob and Tyler:** The internet is for porn!

**Emmet:** YEAH!


	8. Mix Tape

**Obvious Author's Note:** Listen to the songs while reading them! It makes it all funnier!

**Besides the obvious Author's Note:** Here we have Emily and Sam! AWWW!!!!

**Mix Tape**

**Emily:** Princeton.

He likes me!

I think he likes me!

But does he 'like me' like me,

Like I like him?

Will we be friends,

Or something more?

I think he's interested,

But I'm not sure.

Come in!

**Sam:** Hiya! Kate!

**Emily:** Princeton! Hi!

**Sam:** Hi! Listen, I was going through my CD's yesterday,

And I kept coming across songs I thought you might like,

So I made you this tape.

**Emily:** Oh! That's so sweet!

Can I get you a drink? Or a snack?

**Sam:** Actually, do you mind if I use your bathroom?

**Emily:** Go right ahead.

**Sam:** Oh! Thank you!

**Emily:** A mix tape.

He made me a mix tape.

He was thinking of me,

Which shows he cares!

Sometimes when someone

Has a crush on you,

They'll make you a mix tape,

To give you a clue.

Let's see….

"You've got a Friend"

"The Theme from Friends"

"That's What Friends Are For"

Shit!

Oh! But look!

"A Whole New World"

"Kiss The Girl"

"My Cherie Amour"

Oh, Princeton! He does like me!

"I Am The Walrus"

"Fat Bottomed Girls"

"Yellow Submarine"

What does this mean?

**Sam:** Hey, Kate, you might wanna not go in there for a while.

**Emily:** Princeton, thank you for this tape!

I was just looking at side A. Great songs!

**Sam:** Oh, well, did you get to side B yet?

**Emily:** No, not yet.

**Sam:** Oh, it's great! Check it out!

**Emily:** Yeah?

**Sam:** Right here….

**Emily:** "Stuck On You"

**Sam:** "Love Me Do"

**Emily:** "My Heart Will Go On"

I loved "Titanic"!

**Sam:** Uhh, it was alright.

"She's Got A Way"

**Emily:** "Yesterday"

**Sam:** "Goodnight Saigon!"

From the Russia Concert!

**Emily:** Oh, great.

"Through The Years"

**Sam:** "The Theme From 'Cheers'"

**Emily:** "Moving Right Along"

Nice Tape.

**Sam:** Oh, there's one more….

"I Have To Say I Love You In A Song"

**Emily:** Princeton, that's so sweet!

I've never gotten such a nice present from a guy.

**Sam:** Awww. Well, I'm glad you like it.

But, I have to go now, I'm gonna make one

For Brian, Christmas Eve, Gary, Nicky,

Rod, Trekkie Monster and everyone!

**Emily:** Oh.

**Sam:** Oh, and uh-

**Emily:** Yes?

**Sam:** What are you doing tonight?

**Emily:** Grading Term Papers, but its Kindergarten,

So they're very short. Why?

**Sam:** Everyone's going to hear this singer at the

Around The Clock Café. Do you want to go with me?

**Emily:** Like, a date?

**Sam:** Sure! A date! It'll be a blast!

**Emily:** I'd love to come!

**Sam:** Okay! Well, I'll see you then!

**Emily:** Okay!

**Sam:** Okay, bye!

**Emily:** Bye!

He likes me!

**Author's Note: **I don't know about you but I thought that was SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!! REVIEW PLEASE!!!!


	9. I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today

**Obvious Author's Note:** Listen to the songs while reading them!!!!!!

**Besides the Obvious Author's Note:** Charlie singing the Underwear Song! LOL!!!!!

**I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today**

**Charlie:** I'm not wearing underwear today,

No, I'm not wearing underwear today!

Not that you prob'ly care,

Much about my underwear!

Still nonetheless I gotta say,

That I'm not wearing underwear today!!!!!!

**Renee:** Get a job!!!

**Charlie:** Thank you!...honey.

**Author's Note:** Lol! I enjoyed typing that! Hehehehe…Charlie wearing no underwear…Hehehehe. REVIEW!!!!!!!


	10. Special

**Obvious Author's Note:** Listen to the songs!!!!!!!

**Besides the Obvious Author's Note:** I totally think this a Rosalie song!...I don't know about you, but I totally picture Rosalie singing this to Emmet….yeah….just read it.

**Special **

**Rosalie: **I can make you feel

Special.

When it sucks to be you.

Let me make you feel

Special.

For an hour or two.

Your life's a routine,

That repeats each day.

No one cares who you are,

Or what you say.

And sometimes you feel

Like your nobody,

But you can feel like somebody,

With me.

Yeah, they're real.

When we're together

The earth will shake,

And the stars will fall

Into the sea.

So come on, baby,

Let down your guard.

When your date's in

The bathroom,

I'll slip you my card.

I can tell just by looking,

That you've got it hard,

For me! For me!

For me! For me!

For me! For me!

I can tell just by looking,

That you are especially,

Hard for me!

**Author's Note:** Totally a Rosalie song, am I right? REVIEW!


	11. You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want

**SUPER IMPOTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!: **I won't be able to update as fast for the next two to three weeks because I'm moving. So be patient my loves!

**Obvious Author's Note:** Listen to the songs while reading lovelies!

**Besides the obvious: **This is a really dirty song so yeah….I don't think I need to say anymore.

**You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (When You're Making Love)**

**Jasper:** Take her home!

**Emmet: **She's wasted!

**Emmet and Jasper:** Yaaaayyyy!!!

**Bella: **My God, Princeton!

Right there! Right there!

That's the spot- that's the spot-

Okay, a little lower- okay, now a little to the left-

No, my left- OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!

**Edward:** Oh, my God, Kate

No one's ever touched me like this before-

You can't put your finger there!

OOOHHH! PUT YOUR FINGER THERE!

**Bella and Edward: **Oh, Yeeaaahhh!!!!

**Carlisle: **You can be as loud

As the hell you want

When you're making love!

**Emmet and Jasper:** When you're making love!

**Carlisle:** You can be as loud

As the hell you want

When you're making love!

**Emmet and Jasper: **When you're making love!

**Carlisle:** You can be as loud

As the hell you want

When you're making love!

**Emmet and Jasper:** When you're making love!

**Carlisle:** You can be as loud

As the hell you want….

**Bella and Edward: **Ahhhhhhh!!!

**Carlisle:** Gary Coleman! You hear what?

Hell no, I won't tell them to quiet down!

**Bella:** Are we being too loud?

**Edward:** Yeah, are we bothering someone?

**Carlisle:** Oh, no, not at all kids!

You keep doing what you're doing!

**Emmet and Jasper:** Yeah! Louder!

**Carlisle:** You're not aloud to be loud

At the library

At the art museum

Or at a play!

But when you and your partner

Are doing the nasty,

You don't behave like you're

At the ballet!

Cause you can be as loud

As loud as the hell you want

When you're making love!

**Emmet and Jasper:** Making sweet, sweet love!

**Carlisle:** You can be as loud

As the hell you want

When you're making love!

**Emmet and Jasper:** Loud as the hell!

Loud as the hell you want!

**Carlisle:** Don't let the neighbors

Stop you from havin' fun,

They'll have peace and quiet,

When you're good and done.

**Carlisle Emmet and Jasper: **Be as loud

As the hell you want

When you're making love!

Loud as the hell you want….

**Bella:** Faster, Princeton!

**Renee:** Brian, slow down! This not a race!

**Carlisle Emmet and Jasper: **Loud as the hell you want….

**Edward:** Oh, yeah!

**Phil:** Who's your daddy?

**Renee:** What?! Brian!

**Emmet and Jasper:** Loud as the hell you want….

Loud as the hell you want….

**Carlisle:** Smack it and lick it and rub it and suck it!

**Emmet and Jasper:** Loud as the hell you want….

**Renee:** Yes! Work your mama!

**Carlisle Emmet and Jasper:** Loud as the hell you-

**Bella:** Oh yeah, that's it!

**Phil:** Oh babe!

**Mike: **UUUUUHHHHHH!

**Carlisle Emmet and Jasper:** Loud as the hell you-

Loud as the hell you-

Loud as the hell you-

Loud as the hell you-

Loud as the hell you-

Loud as the hell you-

Loud as the hell you-

Want!


	12. Fantasies Come True

**Author's Obvious Note:** Listen to the songs for better experience!!!!

**Besides the Obvious Note:** Sorry it took me forever to update lovelies!!!! I've been moving and ya'll know how that can cut time! Here's the next song! Woohoo!!!

**Fantasies Come True**

**Mike:** It sure can get lonely at night.

Nicky, you awake?

**Eric**: Is that a unicorn?

**Mike:** Oh.

He's sleep talking again.

**Eric:** No, I'll wear the purple shoes,

And who painted the kitten?

**Mike:** Maybe I should shake him.

**Eric:** I love you Rod.

**Mike:** What did you say?

**Eric:** I love your little laugh.

**Mike:** Nicky, are you awake?

**Eric:** Take off your shirt.

**Mike:** Oh Nickolas, Have you

Been shy all this time?

Have we been hiding from each other?

I wonder,

All those nights I lay in bed,

Thoughts of you running through my head….

**Eric:** I know, put my earmuffs on the cookie.

**Mike:** But I never thought the things in my head,

Could really happen in my bed.

**Eric:** You look like David Hasselhoff.

**Mike:** All those years I missed the signs,

Couldn't read between the lines.

Who'd have thought I'd see the day,

Where I'd hear you say,

What I heard you say.

And now I find,

What was always in my mind.

Was in your mind too.

Who knew,

Fantasies come true.

_(Musical interlude)_

**Mike:** You and me lived in a fantasy,

But soon will be a reality.

**Jasper:** Kate, that was amazing.

**Alice:** You're amazing.

**Jasper:** Hey, I want you to have this.

It's a penny I carry around for good luck.

It's from the year I was born, see?

Who knows, maybe it'll bring you good luck.

It did it for me, I found you.

I want you to know,

The time that we've spent,

How great it's been,

And how much it's meant.

**Alice:** Oh my gosh, I don't know what to say.

I'm really glad you feel that way.

Cuz I'm afraid that I like you more,

Then I've ever liked any guy before.

**Mike:** Cuz now

**Alice:** Cuz now

**Mike:** My love

**Alice:** My love

**Alice and Mike:** I'm getting what I've always been dreaming of

**Mike:** So are you

**Alice:** Oh baby

**Alice and Mike:** Fantasies come true

**Alice:** And now

**Mike:** And now

**Alice:** I swear that

**Mike:** I swear that

**Alice and Mike:** When you want me

I'm gonna be right here

**Mike:** To take care

**Alice:** To take care

**Alice and Mike:** for you

**Alice:** That's what I'm gonna do

**Mike:** And make your fantasies

**Alice:** Fantasies

**Alice and Mike:** Come true

**Mike:** Fantasies come true

**Eric:** Uh, hey, Rod buddy,

You're talking in your sleep.

**Mike:** Oh, I thought you were talking in your sleep….

**Eric:** No, I just came to bed.

Heh, you're dreamin' is all.

**Mike:** Oh.

**Eric:** Sounded like a nice dream, though.

**Mike:** Yes, it was a nice dream.

**Eric:** Goodnight!

**Mike:** Goodnight, Nicky.

**Author's Note:** The funny songs return next!!!! Yeah!! Enough with the sentimental crap!!!! Bring on the funny!!!!!


	13. My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada

**Obvious Author's Note:** Listen to the song for better enjoyment!

**Besides The Obvious Author's Note:** So sorry it took me forever! I've been so busy you wouldn't believe all the shit I've been through lately! Anyways, enjoy!

**Mike:** Ohhhh...  
I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada.  
She couldn't be sweeter  
I wish you could meet her,  
My girlfriend who lives in Canada!

Her name is Alberta  
She live in Vancouver  
She cooks like my mother  
And sucks like a Hoover.

I e-mail her every single day  
Just to make sure that everything's okay.  
It's a pity she lives so far away, in Canada!

Last week she was here, but she had the flu.   
Too bad  
'Cause I wanted to introduce her to you  
It's so sad  
There wasn't a thing that she could do  
But stay in bed with her legs up over her head!  
Oh!

I wish you could meet my girlfriend,  
But you can't because she is in Canada.  
I love her, I miss her, I can't wait to kiss her,  
So soon I'll be off to Alberta!  
I mean Vancouver!  
Shit! Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancou-

She's my girlfriend!  
My wonderful girlfriend!  
Yes I have a girlfriend, who lives in Canada!!

And I can't wait to eat her pussy again!

**Author's Note: **Review if you love me!


	14. There's a Fine Fine Line

**Obvious Author's Note:** Listen! Listen! Listen!

**Besides The Obvious Author's Note:** Here's another song!!! Whoo!!!

**Esme:** There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;  
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;  
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;  
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."  
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,  
But there's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.  
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.  
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door  
And walk away...  
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not  
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.  
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of time.

**Author's Note**: You speak the truth Esme!!!!! Lol, I don't know….


	15. There's a Life Outside Your Apartment

**Obvious Author's Note: **Do I honestly have to tell you to listen to the songs for a better enjoyment?

**Author's Note: **This one is a fun song!! Yeah!! Back to the fun songs!! Oh yeah, sorry about the out of place format of the last two songs, but that's the new format because my computer is retarded.

**There's A life Outside You're Apartment**

**Carlisle:**

Princeton!

**Edward:**

Yeah.

**Carlisle**

Listen, buddy, nobody's seen ya for two weeks.  
What's up with that?

**Edward:**

I went to work for a temp agency, and they  
fired me for being too depressing on the phone.  
I maxed out my cards, I'm two months behind  
in rent, I totally messed up my personal life.  
Oh, and Brian - I still haven't found my purpose!

**Carlisle:**

All right. Get off your ass and stop worrying!  
Everyone's getting together to mess around the city today.

**Edward:**

Have fun!

**Carlisle:**

When I say everyone, that includes you!

There is life outside your apartment.  
I know it's hard to conceive.  
But there's life outside your apartment.  
And you're only gonna see it if you leave.

There is cool shit to do,  
But it can't come to you,  
And who knows, dude  
You might even score!

There is life outside your apartment.  
But you gotta open the door!

**Edward:**

No, thanks, I'm staying in!

**Carlisle:**

Don't tell me I gotta force you.

**Edward:**

Sorry!

**Carlisle:**

All right, everyone! He's resisting!

**Esme, Jasper and Emmet:**

There is life outside...  
There is life outside...  
There is life outside...  
There is life outside your apartment!  
There's a pigeon  
Squashed on the street.

**Esme:**

Ew.

**Carlisle:**

There's a girl passing by

**Jasper:**

No I think it's a guy

**Esme, Jasper and Emmet:**

And a homeless man  
Who only wants to  
Buy something to eat!

Sorry, can't help you.

We could go to the zoo!

**Emmet:**

Pick up girls at NYU!

**Carlisle:**

We could sit in the park smoking pot!

**Esme:**

Or not.

**Esme, Jasper and Emmet:**

There is life outside your apartment.

**Edward:**

Well, I guess I'll give it a shot.

**All:**  
There is life outside your apartment.  
I know -  
There is life outside your apartment.

**Jessica:**

I'm gonna jump!

**All:**  
Don't do it!

**Jessica:**

Okay.

**All:**  
There is cool shit to do  
But it can't come to you  
So come on -

**Mike:**

Get out of the way asshole!

**Edward:**

Fuck you!

**All:**  
There is life outside your apartment.  
Oh, you never know  
What's around the bend.  
You could win the lotto  
Or make a friend...

**Guys:**  
Take her home to see your apartment!

**Rosalie:**

Do you wanna feel special?  
I can see that you do.  
Well, I can make you feel  
Special.  
If you let me feel you.

**Guys:**  
She'll feel you!

**Rosalie:**

Where's your pad?

**Edward:**

Not too far.

**Guys:**  
We could call you a car.

**Edward:**

We'll be fine, thank you! See ya! 

**Esme:**

Hope you don't get gonorrhea!

**All:**  
There is life outside your apartment.

**Edward/ Rosalie:**

But now it's time to go home.

**All:**  
There is life outside your apartment.

**Emmet:**

Me going home now.

**Edward/Rosalie**

It's time to go home!

**Emmet:**  
That's where me gonna go!

**Rosalie:**

I can make you feel special

**Emmet:**  
That's where me gonna go!

**All:**  
There is life outside your apartment.

**Emmet:**  
Me going home now,  
That's where me gonna go!

**Edward/Rosalie:**

But now it's time to go home

**Emmet:**  
For porn!

**Author's Note:** I know…that song ended **really** wrong! Muhahahahaha!!!!


	16. The More You Ruv Someone

**Obvious Author's Note: **Do I honestly have to tell you to listen to the songs for a better enjoyment?

**Author's Note: **This isn't my favorite song, but it is a good one!!

**The More you Ruv Someone**

**Bella:**  
Why can't people get along and love each other, Christmas Eve?

**Alice:**  
You think getting along same as loving?  
Sometimes love right where you hating most, Kate Monster.

**Bella:**  
Huh?

**Alice:**  
The more you love someone,  
The more you want to kill 'em.  
The more you love someone,  
The more he make you cry

Though you are try  
For making peace  
With them and loving,  
That's why you love so strong  
You like to make him die!

The more you love someone,  
The more he make you crazy.  
The more you love someone,  
The more you wishing him dead!

Sometime you look at him  
And only see fat and lazy,  
And wanting baseball bat  
For hitting him on his head!

Love

**Bella:**  
Love

**Alice:**  
And hate

**Bella:**  
And hate

**Alice:**  
They like two brothers

**Bella:**  
Brothers

**Alice:**  
Who go on a date

**Bella:**  
Who...what?

**Alice:**  
Where one of them goes,  
Other one follows  
You inviting love  
He also bringing sorrows

**Bella:**  
Ah, yes.

**Alice:**  
The more you love someone,  
The more you want to kill 'em.  
Loving and killing  
Fit like hand in glove!

**Bella:**  
Hand in glove.

**Alice:**  
So if there someone  
You are wanting so  
To kill 'em.  
You go and find him.  
And you get him.  
And you no kill him.  
'Cause chances good

**Both:**  
He is your love.


	17. SCHADENFREUDE!

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT funnier my lovelies!!

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**Besides the Obvious Author's Note: **I'M SOOO SORRY IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO UPDATE!!!!! Shit has been goin' down in my life lately so….yeah….but hey! I plan to finish this collection of songfics TODAY!!! WHOOO!!!!

_**SCHADENFREUDE!**_

**Emmet:**  
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy

**Jasper:**  
I'll say.

**Emmet:**  
And when I see how sad you are  
It sort of makes me...  
Happy!

**Jasper:**  
Happy?!

**Emmet:**  
Sorry, Nicky, human nature-  
Nothing I can do!  
It's...  
Schadenfreude!  
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

**Jasper:**  
Well that's not very nice, Gary!

**Emmet:**  
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!  
D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

**Jasper:**  
Yeah...

**Emmet:**  
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

**Jasper:**  
Sure!

**Emmet:**  
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,

Watching people out in the rain!

**Jasper:**  
You bet!

**Emmet:**  
That's...

**Jasper and Emmet:**  
Schadenfreude!

**Emmet:**  
People taking pleasure in your pain!

**Jasper:**  
Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?  
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

**Emmet:**  
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

**Jasper:**  
"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!  
Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

**Emmet:**  
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

**Jasper:**  
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

**Jasper and Emmet:**  
"No!!!"  
Schadenfreude!

**Emmet:**  
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

**Jasper:**  
Ooh, how about...  
Straight-A students getting Bs?

**Emmet:**  
Exes getting STDs!

**Jasper:**  
Waking doormen from their naps!

**Emmet:**  
Watching tourists reading maps!

**Jasper:**  
Football players getting tackled!

**Emmet:**  
CEOs getting shackled!

**Jasper:**  
Watching actors never reach

**Jasper and Emmet:**  
The ending of their Oscar speech!  
Schadenfreude!  
Schadenfreude!  
Schadenfreude!  
Schadenfreude!

**Emmet:**  
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate.  
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us,  
and that makes them feel great.

**Jasper:**  
Sure!  
We provide a vital service to society!

**Jasper and Emmet:**  
You and me!  
Schadenfreude!  
Making the world a better place...  
Making the world a better place...  
Making the world a better place...  
To be!

**Emmet:**  
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!

**Author's Note:** I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT when you guys review!


	18. I Wish I Could Go Back to College

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT more funny my lovelies!!

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**Besides the Obvious Author's Note: **……JTHM ROX MY SOX!!! Hehe, randomness….xD

**I Wish I Could Go Back to College**

**Esme:**  
I wish I could go back to college.  
Life was so simple back then.

**Carlisle:**  
What would I give to go back and live in a dorm with a meal plan again!

**Billy:**  
I wish I could go back to college.  
In college you know who you are.  
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!  
I am totally gonna go far!"

**Billy, Carlisle and Esme:**  
How do I go back to college?  
I don't know who I am anymore!

**Billy:**  
I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on the door!  
Ohhh...  
I wish I could just drop a class...

**Carlisle:**  
Or get into a play...

**Esme:**  
Or change my major...

**Billy:**  
Or fuck my T.A.

**Billy, Carlisle and Esme:**  
I need an academic advisor to point the way!  
We could be...  
Sitting in the computer lab,  
4 A.M. before the final paper is due,  
Cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,  
And seeing the rest of the class there, too!

**Billy:**  
I wish I could go back to college!

**Billy, Carlisle and Esme:**  
How do I go back to college?!  
AHHHH...

**Billy:**  
I wish I had taken more pictures.

**Carlisle:**  
But if I were to go back to college,  
Think what a loser I'd be-  
I'd walk through the quad,  
And think "Oh my God..."

**Billy, Carlisle and Esme:**  
"These kids are so much younger than me."

**Author's Note:** This is one of my personal favorite songs from the musical! I loves it soo!!!


	19. The Money Song

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT more funny my lovelies!! -

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**Besides the Obvious Author's Note: **I've been reading Bleach lately….since like….September….AND IT'S SOOO UNFAIR THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT SOO LONG FOR THE NEXT ONE TO BE IN AMERICA!!!!! T-T Lol, I can be a _very_ impatient person! Anyways, enjoy the song of money!!!! xD

**The Money Song**

**Jacob:**  
Help the homeless!  
Help the homeless!  
Ooh! Hey Princeton!  
Give me a quarter!  
Here in my hat!  
Come on, Princeton!  
It's as easy as that!  
Helping others brings you  
Closer to God.  
So give me a quarter...

**Edward:**  
I don't have any change.

**Jacob:**  
Hmmm...okay.  
Give me a dollar.

**Edward:**  
That's not what I meant.

**Jacob:**  
Give me a five.

**Edward:**  
Are you kidding?

**Jacob:**  
The more you give.  
The more you get.  
That's being alive!  
All I'm asking you  
Is to do what  
Jesus Christ would do.  
He'd give me a quarter,  
Why don't you?

**Edward:**  
All right, all right, here you go.

**Jacob:**  
Ahh, thanks!

**Edward:**  
Take care.  
Whoa!

**Jacob:**  
What's the matter?

**Edward:**  
I feel generous!  
I feel compassionate!

**Jacob:**  
You do?

**Edward:**  
Yeah! I feel like a new person - a good person!  
Helping other people out makes you feel fantastic!

**Jacob:**  
That's what I've been trying to tell you-

**Edward:**  
All this time I've been running around thinking  
about me, me, me - and where has it gotten me!  
I'm gonna do something for someone else!

**Jacob:**  
Me?

**Edward:**  
No - Kate! I'm going to raise the money to build that  
stupid Monster School she's always talking about!  
Give me your money!

**Jacob:**  
What?

**Edward:**  
I need it for Kate!

**Jacob:**  
I need it to eat!

**Edward:**  
Come on, Nicky!

**Jacob:**  
Aww, get lost!

**Edward:**  
It'll make you feel great!

**Jacob:**  
So would a burger!

**Edward:**  
When her dream comes true,  
It'll all be partly  
Thanks to you  
So give me your money!

**Jacob:**  
I'd like to, but I can't.

**Edward:**  
Give me your money!

**Jacob:**  
I'd like to, but I need it!

**Edward:**  
Give me your money!

**Jacob:**  
I'd like to, but I'm homeless!  
I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!  
I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!  
I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!  
(Edward slaps Jacob)

Okay, here you go.

**Edward:**  
Thank you!

**Jacob:**  
Suddenly,  
I am feeling  
Closer to God.  
It's time to stop begging  
It's time to start giving!  
What can I give to Rod?  
Something he'll like so much he'll take me back.  
Ooh, I know! I'll find him a boyfriend!

**Edward:**  
That's the spirit!

**Edward and Jacob:**  
When you help others,  
You can't help helping yourself!  
When you help others,  
You can't help helping yourself!

**Aro:**  
Hey boys, what's the hat for?

**Jacob:**  
Ooh, we're collecting money!

**Edward:**  
It's for Kate! We're raising money to help build her dream school!  
Give us your money!

**Jacob:**  
You'll be glad that you did!

**Aro:**  
That's just what my parents told me  
When I was a kid.  
Shit.

**Jacob:**  
But giving feels so great...

**Aro:**  
And I bet it wouldn't hurt  
Your chances with Kate.

**Edward:**  
Well, that too.

**Aro:**  
I'll give you a dollar.

**Edward:**  
You're a gentleman  
And a scholar.

**Renee:**  
We so happy! We just exchange all your wedding gifts for cash!

**Phil:**  
Honey, don't tell THEM that!

**Renee:**  
We get about 2,000 bucks!

**Phil:**  
Uh, yeah, so - thanks, everybody!

**Renee:**  
We rich!

**Edward:**  
Give us your money!

**Jacob:**  
Give us your money!

**Aro:**  
Give us your goddamn money!

**Edward:**  
Give us the dough!

**Aro and Jacob:**  
Give us the dough!

**Aro, Edward and Jacob:**  
We're raising money  
For a Monster School  
But we've got a ways to go.

**Edward:**  
Sounds like you've  
Got money to burn

**Jacob:**  
And it's not like money  
That you had to earn.

**Aro, Edward and Jacob:**  
So give us your money -

**Renee:**  
A monster school?

**Phil:**  
Sounds like a good cause.

**Renee:**  
Give me your wallet.

**Edward:**  
Oh my gosh! I don't know how to thank you guys.  
I mean, Kate will be so grateful!  
That kind of money is such a great start...

**Aro:**  
Yeah….$15.

**Edward:**  
$15?

**Renee:**  
Every little bit help.

**Jacob:**  
Looks like we're gonna have to ask MORE people!

**Aro, Edward, Jacob, Phil and Renee:**  
Hey!  
Give us your money!  
All that you've got!  
Just fork it on over...

**Aro:**  
Or some puppets  
Will get shot!

**Edward:  
**Hey!

**Aro, Edward, Jacob, Phil and Renee:**  
It's time to pass the hat

**Aro:**  
And there's nothing you can do 'bout that

**Aro, Edward, Jacob, Phil and Renee:**  
So give us your money!  
Give us your money!  
Give us your money!  
When you help others,  
You can't help helping yourself!  
When you help others,  
You can't help helping yourself!  
Every time you  
Do good deeds  
You're also serving  
Your own needs.  
When you help others,  
You can't help helping yourself!  
When you give  
To a worthy cause  
You'll feel as jolly  
As Santa Clause.  
When you help others,  
You can't  
Help  
Helping yourself!

**Author's Note**: I think this song is my absolute FAV!!!! xD Review my lovely babies!! x3


	20. The Money Song Reprise

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT more funny my lovelies!! -

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**Besides the Obvious Author's Note:** eating jalapeño and cheese flavored cheetos and listening to Linkin Park What?!? I don't tell YOU how to live YOUR life!!! Lol, enjoy guys! xD

**Alice:**  
How much do we get?

**Jasper:**  
Boy, it's not very much at all, is it?

**Edward:**  
Never say never, Princeton, there's still  
One more person we have to hit up!

**Emmet:**  
NO! NO! NO! Go away. Me busy.

**Alice:**  
But it for good cause.

**Emmet:**  
What in it for me? Go away!

**Jasper:**  
I guess Kate'll never get her school for Monsters.

**Emmet:**  
What you say?

**Edward:**  
Kate wants to open a school for Monsters.

**Emmet:**  
School for Monsters?  
Me never hear of that.  
School for Monsters!  
School for lonely little monsters!  
When me little,  
Going to school,  
Other children  
Think me not cool,  
Poking and pulling  
At me fur...  
Now me have therapist,And work on this with her.  
But me no need me therapy  
If Monster School a reality!  
Here!  
Me give you $10,000,000!

**Jasper:**  
Trekkie! where did you get all that money??

**Emmet:**  
In volatile market, only stable investment is porn!

**Alice, Emmet, Edward and Jasper:**  
When you help others,  
You can't help helping yourself!  
When you help others,  
You can't help helping yourself!  
Every time you  
Do good deeds  
You're also serving  
Your own needs.  
When you help others,  
You can't  
Help  
Helping yourself!

**Author's Note:** LOL! I LOVE making Emmet play as Trekkie Monster!! xD


	21. There's a Fine Fine Line Reprise

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT more funny my lovelies!!

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**There's a Fine Fine Line Reprise**

**Bella:**  
The Monsterssori School...I don't even know where to start!

**Alice:**  
Do you know who get idea and collect  
All the money and buy building for you?

**Bella:**  
Was it you?

**Alice:**  
No. It Princeton.

**Bella:**  
Princeton? For me?

**Edward:**  
You said you couldn't make your dreams come  
True by yourself, so I shot for the stars.  
You've gotta go after the things you want  
While you're still in your prime.

**Bella:**  
There's a fine, fine line  
Between love...  
Thank you Princeton.

**Edward:**  
So will you take me back, Kate?

**Bella:**  
I'll be so busy now, with all of the contractors  
And inspections and hiring teachers and choosing textbooks...

**Edward:**  
Well, I could help you.

**Bella:**  
Can we take it one day at a time?

**Author's Note:** SOOOOOO CUUUTE!!! X3


	22. BA in English Reprise

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT more funny my lovelies!!

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**Mike:**  
What do you do  
With a B.A. in English?  
Oh, look! A "for rent" sign!  
Oh, my God! You're Gary Coleman!

**Jacob:**  
Yes, I am!

**Mike:**  
Say, can you tell me where to find the super?

**Jacob:**  
I am the super.

**Mike:**  
Well, listen - I wanna ask you about the apartment for rent?

**Jacob:**  
Oh, sure!

**Edward:**  
Wait a minute!  
Wait a minute, that's it! 

**Bella:**  
What?

**Edward:**  
My PURPOSE!  
Look at this kid, here, all fresh faced and new  
and not knowing anything! He has no idea  
what he's in for! He thinks the hard part's over,  
but it's not! And maybe he needs a little help! Maybe  
my purpose is to take everything I'm learning  
and put it - put it into a SHOW!

**Jasper:**  
Are you high?

**Mike:**  
And I'm not some young kid who doesn't know anything.  
Fuck you!

**Author's Note:** laughing Jasper asked Edward if he was high! snickers


	23. For Now

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT more funny my lovelies!!

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**For Now**

**Edward:**  
Why does everything have to be so hard?

**Jacob:**  
Maybe you'll never find your purpose.

**Esme:**  
Lots of people don't.

**Edward:**  
But then- I don't know why I'm even alive!

**Bella:**  
Well, who does, really?  
Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.

**Carlisle:**  
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.

**Jacob:**  
Take a breath,  
Look around,

**Carlisle:**  
Swallow your pride,

**Bella:**  
For now...

**Bella, Carlisle, Edward and Esme:**  
For now...

**Jasper:**  
Nothing lasts,

**Emmet:**  
Life goes on,

**Jasper:**  
Full of surprises. 

**Emmet:**   
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.

**Esme:**  
You're going to have to make a few compromises...  
For now...

**Mike:**  
For now...

**ALL:**  
But only for now! (For now)  
Only for now! (For now)  
Only for now! (For now)  
Only for now!

**Rosalie:**  
For now we're healthy.

**Carlisle:**  
For now we're employed.

**Emily and Sam:**  
For now we're happy...

**Bella:**  
If not overjoyed.

**Edward:**  
And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now...

**Jacob:**  
For now...

**Mike:**  
For now...

**Bella:**  
For now...

**ALL:**  
But only for now! (For now)  
Only for now! (For now)  
Only for now! (For now)  
Only for now!  
Only for now!  
(For now there's life!)  
Only for now!  
(For now there's love!)  
Only for now!  
(For now there's work!)  
For now there's happiness!  
But only for now!  
(For now discomfort!)  
Only for now!  
(For now there's friendship!)  
Only for now (For now!)  
Only for now!  
Only for now! (Sex!)  
Is only for now! (Your hair!)  
Is only for now! (George Bush!)  
Is only for now!  
Don't stress,  
Relax,  
Let life roll off your backs  
Except for death and paying taxes,  
Everything in life is only for now!

**Jasper:**  
Each time you smile...

**ALL:**  
...Only for now

**Bella:**  
It'll only last a while.

**ALL:**  
...Only for now

**Edward:**  
Life may be scary...

**ALL:**  
...Only for now  
But it's only temporary  
Ba-dum ba-dum  
Ba-dum ba-dum  
Ba dum ba-dum  
Ba-da da da da  
ba-da da-da da da-da  
Ba-dum ba-da, ba-dum ba-da  
ohhhh- 

**Edward:**  
Everything in life is only for now


	24. Tear it Up and Throw it Away

**Obvious Author's Note:** Guys, if ya haven't done it already, look up these songs and listen to them while you read, it's A LOT more funny my lovelies!!

**Disclaimer:** I DON'T OWN AVENUE Q! Though….as much as I love the musical and I wish a thousand times I did own it, I don't!! T-T

**Author's Note:** THE LAST SONG!!! WHOOO!!! (bows and gathers up the roses being tossed over to me while blowing kisses)

**Tear it Up and Throw it Away**

**Bella:**  
Oh Nicky, Nicky, bad news.

**Emmet:**  
What's the matter Kate?

**Bella:**  
I can't go with you to the Phish concert at the Aquarium.

**Emmet:**  
Oh no, I was looking forward to that!

**Bella:**  
Me too.

**Emmet:**  
Oh, why can't you come?

**Bella:**  
I got jury duty.

**Emmet:**  
Jury duty?

**Bella:**  
Mm Hm.

**Emmet:**  
Aw, Kate, you don't have to go to Jury duty.

**Bella:**  
Yes I do. I got this summons in the mail, it says I have to go.

**Emmet:**  
Oh, what summons?

**Bella:**  
This one.

**Emmet:**  
No. WHAT summons?

**Bella:**  
THIS one.

**Emmet:**  
No Kate you don't understand: Tear it up and throw it away.

**Bella:**  
What?

**Emmet:**  
Throw it away, Throw it away! Tear it up and throw it away.  
And go about your day!

**Bella:**  
Oh, I can't do that! This is an official summons.

**Emmet:**  
Oh! An official summons. Well, why didn't you say so?  
Tear it up and throw it away!

**Bella:**  
Just. Tear it up?

**Emmet:**  
Yeah! And throw it away!  
Tear it up and throw it away, so you and I can play.

**Bella:**  
But, isn't it my civic duty?

**Emmet:**  
Aw! Who gives a doody? The government employees already know,  
For many reasons many people just won't show.  
A piece of mail's an easy thing to overlook, so just like the airlines, they overbook!

**Bella:** Oh!

**Bella and Emmet:**  
Tear it up and throw it away! Throw it away! Throw it away!  
Tear it up and throw it away,

**Emmet:**  
It's perfectly okay.

**Bella:**  
Ah! Oh but wait a minute, wait a minute.  
It says here the penalty is 30 days in jail.

**Emmet:**  
KATE! No one's ever gone to jail! Gone to jail! Gone to jail!  
Have you ever heard of anyone who's gone to jail,

**Bella:**  
Oh! 'Cause something got lost in the mail! OH!

**Emmet:** Exactly!

**Bella and Emmet: **  
Tear it up and throw it away! Throw it away! Throw it away!  
Tear it up and throw it away! (tear)

**Emmet:**  
Yeah, you got it!

**Bella:** Did not!

**Emmet:**  
Right!

**Bella and Emmet:**  
And go about your day!

**Emmet:**  
Only the little people do jury duty Kate!

**Bella:**  
Yeah!

**Author's Note:** I thought this was SSOOOO CUTE!! It's like a big brother telling his little sister something important!! x3 sooo KAWAII!!!


	25. Thank Yous

**THANK YOUS**

Thankies to EVERY ONE of you who read and reviewed and enjoyed my Twilight on Avenue Q songfic!!! And I SERIOUSLY appreciate all of you guys for dealing with my lagging of updating! xD And thankies to my family for allowing me to sit on my butt at the computer for hours on end!!! Now, I've been thinking of starting to……write…….ACTUAL FANFICS!!! (gasp!) Lol, seriously, do you guys think I should do this? Go SERIOUS?! o.O

Lol, just message me! Thankies again to yallz!


End file.
